(843): It’s going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I’ll meet them and think “Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?”
(937): Oh, honey. If you’re seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she’s doing the same thing. We’re not stupid, we’re just craftier than you.
(702): It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me…
(775): yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing… like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
(405): I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I’m going to go ahead and choose it.
(206): You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
(807): It’s like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
(512): Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn’t think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
