
(843): It’s going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I’ll meet them and think “Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?”

(937): Oh, honey. If you’re seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she’s doing the same thing. We’re not stupid, we’re just craftier than you.
(702): It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me…
(775): yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing… like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

(832): I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?